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24 Jan 12 Ten Top Baby Advice Tips

Following the birth of a new baby, parents are often faced with the task of putting into practice all the useful advice and tips they have either read or have been given by friends and family. What is the best baby advice and what is most helpful? Who better to ask than parents themselves? Ten parents shared their top tips with us. These tips describe some of the interesting ways in which they began to work together even during pregnancy, to bring something different to their experience of having a baby:

Five top baby advice tips from fathers:

1. Work on your upper body strength as babies grow really quickly.

2. Develop a birth plan with your partner to make sure both of you understand what is expected to happen and when.

3. Develop a post-birth plan with your partner. If your baby is due to be born in a hospital find out from the hospital if you need to bring the baby home in a car seat, (we were surprised by this one) if not what are the hospital requirements?

4. Always change the baby from the side to avoid being peed on.

5. Have something to do when your wife is resting or in hospital after the birth, have a list of people to call to give the good news.

Five top baby advice tips from mothers:

1. Whilst pregnant, talk to other mums and expectant mums.

2. If possible give yourselves at least two weeks after the birth to spend alone together with your new baby.

3. Give up on everything in the first 6 weeks of the baby’s life and cuddle a lot.

4. See beyond the birth, what support networks do you have, are you a member of an NCT class. Especially important if you have no immediate family around you can trust.

5. Enjoy it! Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You can only do what you can do (That might be three).

Finally, my own last bit of baby advice. Remember, you are the expert on your body, your baby and your relationship. Observe your babies; be alert to their ‘baby clues’ as they try to tell you what they need. Babies try to let us know if they are tired, need a cuddle or are hungry. If any thing doesn’t feel right to you, go to the doctor or speak to your health visitor. It is much better to share your feelings than worry alone. Take time to adjust. A baby alters everything.

Give yourself time to get to know your baby and understand the changes they bring to your relationship. Having a baby may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but is also the most rewarding, so hang on in there and be patient with yourself and each other.

So there you have the top ten baby advice

tips from real parents, all fairly practical and reasonable, as you might expect from parents.

Thecoupleconnection.net provides baby advice tips for new parents as well as professional relationship advice that will enable couples to start to understand their own relationships a bit more, and then take steps to try and make these relationships work better.

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04 Jan 12 Relationship Advice – What makes a great relationship?

Alicia Keys recently gave her own relationship advice by saying that ‘equality’ was the most important word when it comes to the success of her relationship. In divorce cases, where two parents are fighting for custody of their child, the law approaches the couple with the presumptions of equality too; a 50/ 50 split or joint custody is the starting point and this presumption is then influenced by the behavior of the parents and their relationship with the child.
So relationships can be defined in terms of equality. But how can we achieve an equal relationship when the roles of couples change when they become parents and new demands are placed upon them by their child and by each other? And what relationship advice can be given to couples to maintain equality?

From the moment of conception couples roles are re-defined in terms of the child. Women become mothers; they carry and feed the baby in the first months of life. Men become fathers and are more supportive of the mother and baby in the first months of life. The transition to parenthood is a notoriously difficult time for parents and is further complicated by our presumptions of equality. So which qualities determine whether a relationship is equal? Perhaps we can begin to understand if we look at the parents’ relationship from the child’s point of view.

Stages of a Relationship change for you and your partner

In many households one parent is still responsible for caring for the child’s basic and practical needs.Not being active in your child’s schedule and day to day activities is an indication that your partner may have become the ‘primary caretaker’ of the child. You can check this by asking yourself a few relevant questions, for example do you know the names of your child’s teachers and friends, and do you take your child to the doctor, or regularly attend school conferences and school events. Of course this could be because you have agreed your roles as parents, but very often it can be a default position or a hang over from the baby phase. Even if you have agreed your roles it is always good to check in with each other to make sure you are both still happy, and don’t want things to change.

It can be very stressful for fathers to be ‘left out’, to work all hours to bring in enough money and then return home to a crying baby and frustrated partner. So talk about your different needs and the needs of the child, but be careful not to criticise the other parent. Demonstrate support. Recognize the child’s relationship with the other parent is just as important as your own.

A parent who is constantly putting the other down, leaking anger and negatively influencing the child’s relationship with the other parent may cause parental alienation and interfere with parenting time. Bottom line: if you want to promote the best interests of your child, recognize the value of the child’s relationship with your partner and work towards having equal time with him her and take the steps to encourage that relationship.

Thecoupleconnection.net provides online relationship advice and support which will help you to explore and better understand the changes and stages of a relationship and how to manage them. By working through the various changes you will be better prepared for any relationship problems you may face.

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28 Oct 11 Three Relationship Advice Tips

All relationships go through difficult times and couples could benefit from some relationship advice. This is part of life and often reflects what is happening outside of the relationship, stresses and strains worries and doubts about work, money or family can all have an impact. So what’s the secret of those happy couples you see kissing and cuddling their way through life? There are three simple, everyday things you can do to be happier in your relationship and they are listed below.

1 First be happy with yourself as an individual. If you understand how you think and feel you will be better able to articulate this and get what you need from your partner. All of us play a particular ‘role’ when we are relating to others, often without even realizing we’re doing it. This may have begun in childhood, when your parents expected things of you; looking after your brothers and sisters, doing well in school, speaking your mind, or not as the case may be. These roles often continue into adulthood and can have a negative impact on your relationships. Were you always treated like the baby of the family, do you think your partner should coddle you more because that is what love is to you? Armed with an understanding of the role/s you are playing both inside and outside of your relationship you will take the first step in changing your script for yourself and the roles you play.

2. Next identify the way you react when under stress or upset, do you shout and get angry or slam the door in a huff? When you understand what you do and when try to change the way you react to situations. Think about the consequences of your reactions, where does it leave you, has it made anything better? Be more constructive. Take control and face your differences with your partner.

3. The best relationship advice is to identify your expectations and ask yourself are these realistic? Some of the most common problems people have are based upon unrealistic expectations. You want your partner to be more romantic, but do you really expect him to send you flirty, loving texts every day? Or always surprise you with little gifts or flowers? Wouldn’t this get a bit much anyway? Love him for who he is; Both of you should expect to be treated well, but don’t ruin your relationship because either of you can’t give the other some unrealistic romantic dream.

Thecoupleconnection.net offers relationship advice as well as marriage advice that will enable couples to start to understand their own relationships a bit more, and then take steps to try and make these relationships work better.

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14 Jul 11 Dealing with Relationship Problems

They say we are happier, are in better health and may even live longer if we have deeper relationships with family and friends. Dealing with relationship problems can ensure that couples, parents, friends and families have fulfilled relationships.

Mike Rudink, series producer of ‘The Happiness Formula’ has researched some of the factors that scientists are recommending in order to reach a fuller, happier life. These happiness factors include all these relationships such as marriage and other long term intimate relationships. Another happiness factor is that of a person believing that he has meaning. This ultimately related back to a belief in something bigger like religion, spirituality or a philosophy of life. Also included in the having meaning happiness factor is that of having enjoyable long term goals.

Many people however will struggle with maintaining good and healthy relationships due to their relationship problems. The necessity to decrease the amount of issues that are present in a relationship will help towards maintaining and making long term healthy relationships.

There are many factors that lead to issues within a relationship. Money and partner insensitivity were cited as the main causes of arguments in our relationships. According to a You Gov. survey from 2007, 34% of married and cohabiting couples said that arguments about money, spending or investing where the biggest issue for couples; whilst 25% cited partner’s insensitivity.

Money worries relating to debt and unemployment for instance can spark off serious rows with our partners. We may find ourselves moody, extra-sensitive and difficult to be around.

One partner may feel that the other is spending too much money at a time when neither can afford it, or that they should be saving in case either of them loses their job. Whilst the other partner may feel that they are being put under intense scrutiny for buying a more expensive brand.

Although arguments are a common occurrence, some may say they are good for airing concerns and helping us to reach a compromise. Arguing instead of letting problems simmer and build into bigger issues may be more beneficial; although, on the other hand, bickering constantly with your partner may also be equally harmful to the relationship in the long run. Couples need to realise that there is a happy medium between airing concerns and bickering. Couples who work on their relationships will be able to realise when it is best to speak about issues that would have an impact on their relationship.

Arguments about money can quickly escalate into other issues if care and sensitivity is not applied. An argument over money and spending may lead to other arguments about other unimportant aspects in the relationship, and soon the couple with be faced with many more relationship problems as they begin to fight about any and everything. Therefore, being mindful of why and how we argue is crucial to maintaining happy and healthy relationships.

The Couple Connection provides useful tips and resources to couples on how to manage arguments within their relationships. Advice on how to deal with relationship problems and issues is also provided. Topics such as recognising when it’s not a good time to talk, resisting blaming your partner for problems, learning not to criticise your partner; and key to managing relationship problems, is respecting the other’s point of view help users to reach the point of happy, healthy relationships.

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18 Jan 11 Relationship Advice in an Online World

Most of us are guilty of looking up an old flame on Facebook and having a good old nosey at their new life without us. But at what point does common curiosity turn into plain old cheating? Couples should seek relationship advice if they think that it has come to the point when Facebook activity has resulted in issues within the relationship.

Facebook can be a great way of reconnecting with old friends and keeping in touch with those who have moved away, but it can also pose a risk to your relationship if you let the past interfere with your present.

It’s wise to think carefully before you accept or add an ex-lover on Facebook. It is interesting to see what they’re doing now; you may even want to share some old memories with one another. But getting nostalgic often leaves us thinking about all the positive feelings we once had for someone and rarely any of the negatives. By exploring old memories and emotions you could risk misinterpreting your real feelings for both your ex and your current partner. And what’s simply nostalgia to one person can be mistaken for love interest by another.

“I started to get suspicious when I noticed my girlfriend had added her ex on Facebook. She insisted it was innocent; they were just old friends keeping in touch. But then he started emailing her, texting her, calling her… and it soon became clear he just wanted to get back together.”  - Simon, Hertford.

To avoid any potential Facebook fall outs (or full on cyber warfare), sit down with your partner and work out what you are both comfortable with, and which activities might cause issues with the relationship. Most couples will find it helpful to set some boundaries for their time on Facebook. You might discover you are both happier if old flames are off-limits on Facebook, but perhaps simply telling each other about any new Facebook friends you have added will be enough to maintain trust in the relationship.

Facebook can be addictive and the advent of the iPhone has meant some users find it difficult to log out. Many couples now set aside some Facebook-free time, during dinner times and date nights, so no one feels neglected in favour of the news feed.

“Every time I look round my husband has got Facebook up on his phone. I get that it keeps him entertained while we’re in the supermarket or on the bus, but when he’s still on it while we’re sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food to arrive it really, really infuriates me.” – Louisa, Cheshire.

When one partner spends too much time on Facebook it can arouse suspicions and jealousy from within their other half; it’s easy to wonder just whose profile they’re scrolling through or why they cannot seem to turn the chat function off. But don not let your imagination run away with you. Talk to your partner and ask them to include you more in their online life – it need not take place in a secret world you know nothing about; often sharing a funny status update is enough to make a partner feel included.

Likewise, if your other half has become jealous or suspicious of your Facebook activity, why not try these three simple steps to make your relationship Facebook-friendly?

1.       List your relationship or marriage on your profile. Not only will this help avoid any awkward flirtations that may arise if a Facebook friend thinks that you are single, this public celebration of your relationship will help reassure your partner of your real motives for being on Facebook.

2.       Share photos and updates of you and your partner. This shows both them and the rest of Facebook that they’re very much a part of your world both off- and on-line.

3.       Make them feel valued away from the computer. Research shows that high self-esteem and a sense of worth helps keep jealousy at manageable levels, so pay your partner a compliment and remember to thank them for all the things they do that make your day a little bit brighter.

Thecoupleconnection.net provides online relationship advice and support for couples with issues such as those created by Facebook. Their new interactive baby game “Baby Clues” allows parents to learn more about communicating with their small baby, as well as how to ensure the relationship with their partner does not degenerate during this stressful time after the baby is born. The Talk it Out forum also allows members to discuss their experiences with other Couple Connection users who are in similar situations.

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29 Dec 10 Relationship advice for a stress free Festive Period

Christmas holidays are meant to be a time when family and friends spend quality time together, eating great food and relaxing. This is also however, also the time of year when individuals are most prone to stress and increased pressures in their relationships. Knowing how to cope with added stresses over the festive period can go a long way in ensuring close relationships do not deteriorate before the New Year.

According to figures from the Family Mediation Helpline, about 1.8 million married couples consider splitting up over the Christmas period, and this figure doesn’t even take into account the number of cohabitees who go their separate ways. This indicates the need for couples to be aware that their relationships may in fact be vulnerable over this seemingly happy period. Identifying issues in a relationship that may spiral into uncontrollable problems once stress sets in is one of the steps that can be taken to ensure that relationships do not degenerate for unseen reasons.

So what is it that makes relationships vulnerable over the festive season? Sometimes issues build up over the year only to come to a head during the Christmas holidays. Money worries and problems at work may trigger bickering and flare-ups between partners. People become irritable over the tiniest things and even say things that may intentionally push their loved ones away. It’s natural to have disagreements; the key is to argue constructively to avoid the same subjects becoming “no go areas” in a relationship.

An effective way in dealing with festive season pressures is for partners to remember to open up with each other. Keeping issues bottled-up can lead to increased tensions and anxieties and a bigger explosion when an argument finally erupts. Sharing anxieties can help in becoming closer as a couple. If both partners are aware of the issues troubling their other half, actions can be taken to help each other deal with festive stresses.

The idea of hosting ‘The perfect Christmas’ can put a lot of pressure on relationships and families. Spending more than they can afford will also simply add to the list of worries over Christmas. It is important to manage expectations surrounding Christmas; don’t let it put a dampener on the day when things don’t go according to plan. By learning to be flexible and by reducing expectations, a stress free Christmas can be enjoyed within the family’s means.

The festive season is a great time to enjoy the company of special people in a person’s life, and is a time that will be remembered for years to come. By using this time as an opportunity to bond and spend quality time together, both families and couples can enhance the health of their relationships.

Thecoupleconnection.net  provides online relationship advice and support, including up to date relationship tools and tips on how both couples and individuals can take care of their relationships. There is also a popular “Talk it Out” forum allowing people the opportunity to share their problems with other users and get peer support in a safe and moderated environment. Thecoupleconnection.net  also provides baby advice through their new interactive game, Baby Clues. Parents can learn about the baby language that their infant uses to communicate at this early stage in their lives before they are able to speak.

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30 Nov 10 Interpretation of baby language and baby talk made easier by free online baby quiz game “Baby Clues”

A fun and interactive online baby quiz game has taken the parenting world by storm with the launch of ‘Baby Clues’ which was made available online for free from 1st October 2010.

Baby Clues aims to help parents understand baby language in the form of gestures, movements and expressions that are made by babies from birth to indicate their needs. The game can be played by expectant/ new mums and dads together or separately.  It also aims to empower parents by giving them support and insights on their relationship with each other.

The essence of Baby Clues is early intervention, giving every child the best start in life. These tips for parents provided by the game allow both mothers and fathers to learn to interpret baby language and in so doing, ensure the highest level of baby bonding right from birth.

Babies can’t talk but they can communicate.  Being able to ‘read’ the clues babies are giving is part of building a strong relationship with them.

At the heart of the game is sound know-how about nurturing babies which is presented in a fun and novel way. Evie, the cartoon baby, invites parents to take a few minutes –side by side – to get to know her.  Together with Evie’s feedback and video content showing a real baby, parents can work out their own baby’s unique way of communicating with them through the questions in the quiz.

The game also challenges couples in a light-hearted and engaging way to answer questions about each other, to underline the importance of communication between couples before and after a baby’s birth.

Baby Clues was developed by charity organisation One Plus One, the UK’s leading relationship research organisation and can be found on Thecoupleconnection.net – the popular website from One Plus One that offers parents and couples ‘do-it-yourself’ relationship advice and support.

Penny Mansfield, director at One Plus One, explained more about the thinking behind the launch, “We know from our extensive research that becoming parents can have a major impact on a couple’s relationship.  This is where there’s a paradox.  While a strong relationship between their mum and dad is good for babies, it seems that their arrival can disrupt or even weaken the relationship that should cradle their early life”.

“The demands of caring for a new baby, while working and suffering from sleep deprivation result in exhaustion and stress. In spite of this, parents are highly motivated to do the best for their baby.  Good communication is more important than ever and that’s where we step in, by providing support for new parents and helping them stay together.”

Baby Clues is the outcome of a pilot project where One Plus One and the Brazelton Centre combined their knowledge on parental relationships and infant development in training health practitioners. Health practitioners stressed the value of putting that knowledge into the hands of mothers and fathers directly.  Being able to listen, notice, acknowledge and respond in a nurturing way is essential to building and maintaining good relationships.

This work is supported by the Department for Education as part of its investment in Families and Relationships.

Media Contacts:

Ceri Schooling

0207 553 9547

CS@oneplusone.org.uk

Martiena van der Meer

0207 553 9549

MvdM@oneplusone.org.uk

For more information and to play the game visit http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/baby-clues-game

About Thecoupleconnection.net:

Thecoupleconnection.net was launched in August 2008 offers couples and parents evidence-based ‘do-it-yourself’ relationship advice and support, with articles, courses, exercises and the extremely popular ‘talk it out’ forum, allowing people the opportunity to share their problems with other users and get peer support in a safe environment. The service has had over 300,000 visits since its launch and approximately 20,000 visits each month.

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08 Sep 10 Holidays – Recharge or Stress Out

August is holiday month! The month when we are all chilled out and everyone is getting on and blissfully happy.

Maybe … maybe not!

More often it seems as if everyone returns from holiday saying they need another one just to get over it? Whether it’s just time off work, time spent with family or a holiday abroad that you’ve been saving up for all year, holidays have the potential for any underlying relationship issues to come out. So rather than being a much needed stress free break from work-related and/or relationship issues, holidays can easily end in arguments and disappointment. Last August an online survey carried out by GMTV and Netmums revealed that:

• Two thirds of us argued on holiday
• Two thirds had between 2-5 arguments
• A quarter argued mainly because they had different ideas about what to do
• A third won’t be going on holiday with each other again next year

These findings are not unusual. Many relationship counsellors report that there is a significant increase in couples that seek counselling in September.

Why things go wrong:

• Maybe there was a clash of expectations – if you both have very different expectations of the holiday you are going to run into problems.
• Did you talk openly about what you wanted from the holiday beforehand?
• Did you expect your holiday to put everything right? If you’ve been having a hard time, not getting on, you may well have put a huge pressure on a single week away sorting absolutely everything out.
• Did you/do you see holidays as a test? Often when couples are worn out, stuck in a rut or even thinking about separating the holiday becomes some sort of test as to whether the relationship works.
• Have you been very busy with the day-to-day? Couples can become disconnected; then expect that as soon as they are on holiday they will magically connect again. When this doesn’t happen immediately they get away they panic and put even more pressure on themselves.
• Are you a good traveller? Travelling brings out the best and also the worst in people – you will have very different ways of doing things, different personality traits, one of you might want everything planned in advance whereas the other might enjoy relaxed ‘lets see what happens’ approach.
• Have there been issues building between you? Holidays tend to bring out the ‘not so good’ things that may have been bubbling away beneath the surface.

So what helps?

• Compromise – define what you both want from the holiday.
• Share the planning and recognise the effort required to make it happen.
• Know your limits and be honest about what you do and don’t want from the holiday – what can you be flexible about?
• Trying something new – be open to having fun together. You might surprise each other and this can be good for a relationship! Plus you might even surprise yourself.
• If you opt for a holiday with extended family or doing something cheaper – make the best of it. Focus on the positives.
• Remember bad weather is annoying and you can feel frustrated and cheated but recognise it for what it is. Bad weather doesn’t mean you have a rubbish relationship.
• Don’t allow low points to make you feel or say ‘well that’s it then’ a ‘we can’t even get on when we are on holiday attitude’ will more than likely ruin the rest of your holiday.
• Think about past holidays – what worked and why.
• Share your memories of good holiday moments.
• Adopt a make the best of it attitude – and try and show good will.
• Lastly if things don’t go well, resolve to do something about it when you get back.

About The Couple Connection

The Couple Connection provides relationship advice on ways to improve your relationship by enhancing your understanding of what makes relationships work well such as effective arguing. Explore a range of resources from articles, to book reviews and videos on how to improve your relationship including useful advice for family help.

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17 Aug 10 Stress Free Relationships on Holiday

Let’s face it, although holidays are meant to be a time for celebrating and having fun with family and friends, eating great food and relaxing, they’re also the times when we are most prone to stress and pressures in our relationships.

According to Femalefirst magazine, research results from match.com and Expedia revealed that almost half of Brits developed conflicts during their holidays and nearly one in ten couples split up and a further percentage of married couples started divorce proceeding after their holidays.

So why might our relationships be at risk? A few common pitfalls may hinge around the emotional issues that we tend to take with us on holiday. Money worries and problems at work for instance may trigger flare-ups and conflicts with our partners and hinder us from enjoying our holidays even when we are surrounded by the people we love and in the midst of the most relaxing of environments.

Some people find themselves wanting to be left alone when they are experiencing these anxieties. They become irritable over the tiniest things, or even say things that may intentionally push loved ones away.

We must remember that the more we stock up our concerns in silence the more unlikely we are able to enjoy our holidays with each other. And no matter how long we may have known each other, we can’t expect our partners to read our minds.

Psychiatrist Mark Goulston, MD, the author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, observes that “People often think their significant others should be able to read their minds,” he further points out that it is unfair for us to expect our partners to know what is bothering us without first opening up to them.

This emotional gap doesn’t have to be, we need to remember that our core concern is to enjoy our holiday times together and maintain closeness. If we take time to talk to each other about what it is that is worrying us we will not only increase the chances of having a wonderful time but also become closer as a couple.

There are of course other triggers of conflict with our partners whilst on holiday besides the emotional issues we take with us on holiday. Some of us spend far too much time worrying about others. It is hard enough trying to ensure that our families, kids and relatives are all happy and having a good time. If we are not careful we may find that there is little room for us to cater for our own happiness and even neglect that of our partners. We probably have high expectations; and have planned things to go accordingly to our ultimate perfection. No wonder we are disappointed when things don’t go according to plan. And yet if we can learn to be flexible and reduce expectations; we can enjoy our holidays more.

Holidays are a great time of joy to share and remember for days to come. They can enhance the health of our relationship both as a couple and as a family. That is why getting on better at this time is of great importance.

Thecoupleconnection.net offers free relationship advice on a wide range of relationship issues. We provide a range of resources from articles, to video’s and research on how to improve your relationship including useful advice for family help.

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29 Jul 10 Relationship Books from The Book Room

Communication to sex and parenting to jealousy – find all the latest books on families and relationship advice in thecoupleconnection.net’s newest feature – The Book Room!

thecoupleconnection.net is launching a book room where it’s quarter of a million users can access a library of relationship books, parenting books and buy online.

The book room will feature the newest releases, as well as reviews from guest writers and recommendations from thecoupleconnection.net team.

thecoupleconnection.net was created by One Plus One, the UK’s leading relationships research organisation which has 40 years of experience as well as a library of over 6,000 books and articles. This knowledge has been used to draw together the library of books featured in the book room, including books by John Gottman, Susan Quilliam, Sue Gerhardt and many, many more.

Kate Figes, who recently wrote the book ‘Couples: The Truth’ said of the Book Room:

“What a good idea. One Plus One have a well stocked library and it was a great help researching couples. There is a wealth of knowledge in the hundreds of relationship books and family books each year. But which are the best? This is a welcome addition to thecoupleconnection.net service.”

Notes to editors:

thecoupleconnection.net was launched in August 2008. The service has had over 250,000 visits since its launch and approximately 20,000 visits each month. From October 2009 to January 2010 the service was evaluated. The executive summary is available from: http://www.oneplusone.org.uk/Publications/thecoupleconnection.netEvaluation.pdf

One Plus One is the UK’s leading relationships research organisation. We investigate what makes relationships work or fall apart and create innovative ways of disseminating that information to couples and families as well as working with front line practitioners. In 2011 One Plus One will celebrate its 40th anniversary. The One Plus One website provides information about all our services, training, and research http://www.oneplusone.org.uk

If you would like further information or to discuss the Book Room please contact Laura Dimmock, Information Officer on 0207 553 9530 or at ld@oneplusone.org.uk.

About thecoupleconnection.net

thecoupleconnection.net is part of the One Plus One’s family of websites and focuses on providing relationship advice. The Book Room is an innovative feature that will provide couples with the premier relationship books, as well as cater for families from it’s selection of family and parenting books.

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